I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Alive.
So much puke
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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