i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
my liver is dry heaving
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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