i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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