Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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