Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
