I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
