now i know why i became what i already was.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
