This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
