There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
