Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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