the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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