I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
i believe in u and ur pee
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
