i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
