Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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