I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
