Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
