I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
