oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
