She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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