how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
