Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
