we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
