Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
