oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
