ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
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