I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
