were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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