I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Randomize
