Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
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