I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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