Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
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Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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