Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
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