He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
