i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
