google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
