doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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