I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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