Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Everything about him screamed your future.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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