So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
