I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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