I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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