The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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