By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
