He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
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I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
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EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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