I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
