I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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