Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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