how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
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I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
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future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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