The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
