my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I wish I only lived at night.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
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