im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
