Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
it's like iHOP with fire
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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