If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
