so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
