Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
