i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
