My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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