i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
