On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
