# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Is it because I queefed?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
