"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
