If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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