i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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