Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
