You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
