Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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