I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
