so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
