someone get that fucking seahorse.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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