apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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