Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
