it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
