**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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