I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Operation Purity has been aborted
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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