Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
