If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
We need a shit load of segways right now
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
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