May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
